I realize it has been a while since I last wrote a post and I could fill this post with a number of excuses and reason but that’s not really productive. Instead, let me just say that I am on a journey. Deep, I know.
My life up until this point has been seemingly random to me. No real path or stepping stones to leap onto in a particular order. I do what I please and that’s how I like it. Until about a month ago, that is what I thought. An unexpected event hurled me onto a very hard rock of realization that I had been avoiding. I found two things:
1. I have a purpose.
When you make a change in your life, whether it is purposeful or out of necessity, it creates a ripple effect. Make a left instead of a right, and you might just realize what lies beyond that block you usually never pass. All the puzzle pieces of my life are slowly but surely falling into place. My high school years, moving to the U.S. , past relationships, friendships that have lasted or not lasted, books I have read, films I like, places I have been, jobs I have had. Suddenly, I can think of a great reason why any and all of these things happened. I always knew I was destined to be part of something amazing and great, I just didn’t know what it was. I do now.
2. I can’t make everyone else AND myself happy.
I am much too amazing to be apologetic for who I am and what I stand for. I have a purpose on this earth that far exceeds myself or the people around me. For the past 6 years I have been adapted, restrained, contorted myself into literal and figurative spaces based on someone else and their life. I have been taken advantage of, lied to, treated unfairly, left to fend for myself, and had my heart broken by both lovers and friends. No more. I will love myself more than anyone else ever could and I will stand in that love as I accomplish my goals. It is true that love can conquer all. I am conquering self doubt, negative thoughts, fear, and hardship with love. I have risen every single time but only enough to carry myself to the next disappointment. This time is very much different, because I am on a mission. I was always on it, I just didn’t see the road. This time I will not only rise, I will soar and continue to elevate myself and those around me.
Those who know me, may be shocked or surprised at this shift. I am not usually a very ethereal or spiritual individual, at least I don’t spend a lot of time talking about it. I have always believed in Karma though and paying it forward. I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for a lot of kind people. I also know that some people only help you if they can get something out of it themselves. By releasing things, individuals, events that do not stem from a place of love, I have gained so much more.
In the next few weeks and months, Triburban will go through some growing pains along with me as I shift and narrow my focus so that it points directly to where I am going in life.